


Carnation

by kitsuchi (genusshrike)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-16
Updated: 2003-07-16
Packaged: 2017-10-08 23:43:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genusshrike/pseuds/kitsuchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ginny is not good enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carnation

Cho compares me to a rose. I imagine it is a red one. White is too innocent for me.

_(Rose, White. I am worthy of you.)_

I am not worthy of anyone, least of all her. I am not worthy of being compared to a rose, or any flower. They are beautiful, and though Cho tells me that I am too,

_(Daisy, Variegated, Beauty)_

I cannot believe her. I tell her I can only cause her pain, but she tells me she'll only ever receive pleasure in my company.

_(Rose, Dog, Pleasure and Pain.)_

I don't believe her. And she won't believe me, when I tell her my true nature.

_(Apple, Thorn, Deceitful Character.)_

She insists that I am just putting myself down. When I tell her I'm deceitful, that she's let herself be tricked, she asks, when have I ever been deceitful? I turn away, in shame. I am not deserving. I am not deserving. I have done such horrible things, and thought such hurtful thoughts.

_(Nightshade, Dark Thoughts.)_

Dark, oh so dark - and Cho is a light, she is clean, and I do not want to dirty her. I regret I let her near me, that I will only hurt her.

_(Bluebell, Sorrowful Regret.)_

But she will not believe me, and so I am left to regret the pain I cause her, because she will not let me go. Any sorrow but that, she says. What does she know of sorrow? I live sorrow, I breed sorrow, and to who I love, what can come but sorrow. I cannot even be honest to myself, and my dreams are dishonest to her. I hate my dreams. I want to forget.

_(Adonis, Flos, Sad memories.)_

But I can't. And she won't let me go, to remember my pain in private. It hurts her, that I torture myself thus, and I would stop if I could, for her. But I can't. I can pretend, but I am always the same.

_(Bay Leaf, I change but in death.)_

I hurt her so much, and sometimes I wish Harry had never rescued me that day. Sometimes, I think that death would be better than the pain I cause her. Because I can do nothing else.


End file.
